I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression. That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had accepted the initial blame for the start of her. Actually, it was her they were looking at, not me. Even Becky didn’t pay me any attention.The group was relaxed. They seemed entirely at ease with their surroundings and the people around them. Becky and Teri had just met that day, but they weren’t the least bit shy with talking to each other.“The instances where I went beyond the teasing and fun with them were entirely innocent. Nothing like what you were doing with me at school. They trust me. Anything I do has to be in faith of that trust. I may come on strong when I’m looking for a new subject, but I never do anything they don’t offer first. When you forced whatever you did onto Cory, you broke our rules. They have to be able to say no to it before you do it to them. Do you understand what I’m saying now?”I said a little sheepishly, “Sorry. Yes, I understand. I didn’t realize how heavily they depend on that trust. It’s as much for the trust as the actual pleasure they get out of it that they continue to come to you. But I also.
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